Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
