worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
