i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
my shit smells like andre
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
How drunk are you?
Completed.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
