Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
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