He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
