Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I need a beard to bite.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
