All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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