Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
