I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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