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i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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