She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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