I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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