So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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