Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
