he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
