the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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