so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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