Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
