yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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