Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
