So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Acid is not a monday night drug
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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