She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
