my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
