a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
