I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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