I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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