just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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