I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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