I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
