i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Mom said you looked used
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
