the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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