I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
