I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
