anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
