That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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