Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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