My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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