apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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