Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
