Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
