So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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