He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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