Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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