Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
