"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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