dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
