see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
