We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
