Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
