I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
