R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
