I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
